We should stop hiding

There was once a time when I looked good, like really really good. Like this picture here.00000262

Kinda nice, right? Of course, if you’d have asked me, I’d have said oh yuck, I’m meh at best. And yes, those fake pearls were all the thing in the 80s, so get off my back.

Anyway, blah blah blah, weight happens, and it happened to me. I could tell you it was trauma-related. It was. But then it was just comfortable. And then it was impossible. Also, I had kids, that sure was an extreme thing to do to a body. And bedrests and surgeries, and you get the picture, right?

Oh, no you don’t, because I don’t show those pictures. Well, until now. Because I was going through old stuff today, and found them, and it’s the day after Mother’s Day, and I’m with my kids in these, and I’m just happy being mom.

I never felt good about how I looked, never had the right clothes, never took the time to do anything about it except avoid mirrors. I lost a lot of weight about 10 years ago, and suddenly “Sure I’ll pose for those pictures…” Well, a lot of the weight is back on now, and I hate pictures of myself again. But I’m still posing for them sometimes. I figure I should have *some* proof of a life after all. I’m so glad I have the pictures from the last 8 years with friends and family, so many adventures!

But in my 20s and 30s I spent most of my time hiding from the camera. Apparently my parents weren’t fooled, and took shots anyway. Thank goodness! Because today when I looked at these pictures, I thought, wow, I remember that day, I remember that moment, the things the kids were doing, the books I was reading to them, the clothes, haircuts, all that love love love. And it made me happy. And then I was like, what the hell was I hiding from? Well, I’m glad someone found me. Also, I look gorgeous.

Now please stop hiding your beautiful light from the world! And I’ll keep working on that too.

P.S. Damn, those kids are cute, right?

me nuzzling my son

Sometimes you just gotta nuzzle.

me and my daughter

Oh her eyes!

me and my son laughing big

This kid still cracks me up constantly. <3



me and my son

You could manage to exhaust him into posing…

me and my daughter

MerleFest, camping and music and this cool kid.

very pregnant with my son

Didn’t deliver him for another MONTH!!

me very pregnant and tired

Okay, it wasn’t all delight!

me and my baby girl

She was born intense.

me reading to my girl

We used to negotiate the number of books per bedtime.






  1. Jennifer Lucas

    Yes!! This is brilliant. I have just been going through this myself. I have no proof of my existence for years (and years) I have only JUST recently allowed myself to show up on film again. I wanted some pictures of me with my kid, even though I can’t stand pictures of me.

    1. it's nothing, really... (Post author)

      Trust me, you are beautiful. You’ll see it later. We see it now.

  2. Angela Zemp

    I also hate my own photos and hide from the camera. I think most people do. But we see others as beautiful, and ourselves as ugly. It’s sad, because inside we are all sparkling and beautiful souls. (Apart from Hitler, obvs)

    Sometimes I wish we were all blind, so we’d only be able to ‘see’ who people ‘really’ are!

    By the way, I see you and Jennifer as perfectly and uniquely beautiful, inside and out – so there!!! No take backies! <3

    You should have MY complexion – then you'd wanna hide! ;)

    The Hedgehog x

    1. it's nothing, really... (Post author)

      No no, you can’t do that, that whole complexion thing. Cut it out. Sheesh! <3

      1. Angela Zemp

        …but it’s so prickly and pointy! Lol ;)

        1. it's nothing, really... (Post author)

          I love hedgehogs. I hear they can be cuddly.

  3. Tracey Curzon-Manners

    So true. Spent many years hiding from the camera and a lifetime battling with weight gain. In the end I realised the kids were going to struggle to remember who I was if I didn’t get into the picture. It’s all about the love really, nothing else matters in the end.

    1. it's nothing, really... (Post author)

      I think it’s just one more way we apologize for breathing or taking up space. Get in there, you lovely mama you!


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