Dear John,

wedding

7/2/10

There’s a line in this song I like, and I really do like the song, it’s gorgeous actually (Sooner Surrender by Matt Nathanson), but this one line, it just kept bugging me, just that niggling bit at first, then more. So I thought about it, because I’m into staring at stuff that makes me nervous. And it made me realize something really huge that I love about you. And that’s pretty cool considering I’m a little mad at you right now. (Only a little, and I’m sorry for being a little weird the last few days too.) So anyway the line is:

“You got someone new singing you your songs now.”

And I hear it and I think:

“Okay, I get that he’s a musician singing to a lost love, but still, wtf? Why isn’t she singing her *own* damn songs? I love a musician and he’d never say it like that.”

And it’s been slowly dawning on me that it’s because you never have sung me my songs. You always just gently stepped aside and let me sing if I felt like it. You’ve done a pretty amazing job of not being like most guys I’ve ever met (who needed to own me in some way). In fact it’s so revolutionary to me that I used to fight it. I was confused about the freedom I didn’t even understand that I had until you took it for granted. I was pretty mean. No, horrible. You weren’t peachy either. But damned if even through those fights (the ones I think I started just so I could yell out loud some of the crap we were going through), damned indeed if you didn’t treat me like my own person. And with so much more respect than I was showing you at those times.

I wish more people were like you. I mean, not in every single way, sorry love, but just giving each other space to be whoever the hell they’re trying to be. And you change and grow into something new a lot, and yes it makes things a little chaotic, but never boring, and I’m free to grow any way I need any time because you get it. And you have my back, and I hope you know just how very much I have yours. I just want you to know that I think you really are the best person I know. Thank you for five weird and amazing years of marriage, and for all the rest to come.

Love,
Liesl

 

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