Author Archive: it's nothing, really...

I thrive in the company of books, dogs and other animals, quirky humans, coffee, beaches, and things on fire. I write things.

exoskeleton

Oh my ex, oh

my exoskeleton,

I owe it to you

who untrue showed

me the cracks but

if you’d had my back

jack if you’d only

had my back I’d still

believe in safety

unsafely dismissing

not even missing

my shell I’d be

unaware of hell.



Prompt: betrayal

Yep, I’m a flake

When I was a child, I used to love making paper snowflakes. You know, where you fold the paper all up and cut out notches, and then when you unfold – voila! I taught my kids, I wonder if they even remember in their sad everything-sucked kind of memories, but yes we made things. We painted on rocks and baked cookies and made snowflakes, and each one was its own little world and perfect. I love snowflakes.

And apparently I am one, too. I’m the person whose despair delights those MAGA winners on Twitter. I’m the tender-hearted fool who literally does think the well-being of others is worth more than a new car or fancy house of my own. I mean, I do have a fairly new car, it’s a 2013 Fit, but it runs like new and I will drive it into the dust like I did with my last car. I make pretty decent money for someone who was out of the workforce for 9 years. And I do have a decent (albeit un-fancy) house. Still, it’s a roof over our heads, and we can afford dog food for our two grown dogs and the new puppy. (Yes yes, we foster-failed on this last puppy, a combination of our broken hearts and the fact that we can. How lucky are we, that we can afford another rescue dog?) But what the hell more do I need that’s more important than helping people who weren’t born with a fraction of my privilege? Why does believing people should all have basic rights and a level playing field make me a loser?

Eh, don’t bother answering that – I don’t care. I’m sick of the name calling and the ugliness and the “winning” that seems to only consist of enjoying watching others fall. How long can it sustain itself, I wonder? How long does a (disturbed, yes, messed-up, get that child help!) child need to pull the wings off of flies or scorch ants with a magnifying glass? How many sandcastles does the bully need to knock over before he just decides he wants a sandwich and maybe a little telly time? I’m so bored already. The once-fresh snow of this political climate change has turned to black piles on the side of the road, full of exhaust, an eye-sore.

But whatever. I’m proud of my sensitivity, although it’s been used against me and can get a bit over the top at times. I mean, crying at animated movies bad. Yeah, I’m a snowflake, but I think you are too. And you know, this flake wants us all to win. My winning will only be sullied by the losing of others. I won’t be cheering when they drag the liars and the cheats out of their towers. I mean, I’ll be relieved as hell, and drinking champagne, but I won’t attend the hangings (this is just a METAPHOR, no need to alert the CIA). There’s no joy in any of this conflict for me. Some days it’s all I can do to focus on survival. But when I can, I’m going to keep trying to help people in the small ways, to spread a little kindness (that’s right, without even asking what side you’re on). I think that’s part of resistance, to stare down the ugliness and not become one with it. I believe we can do better, and I’m still willing to try. You can help too – let’s get our flaky on.



Adorable puppyIn only semi-related news, this is Gonzo. He came to us at 5 weeks – found alone on a busy road. He’s ours, but there are so many in rescues – go get you one, or two, they come in packs!

Amelia

I want to say that if I fall

and I expect someday I shall

when you see me crash and burn

take my wings and take your turn

 

that paper tiger has no roar

face your fear and say “No more”

take up the torch I left for you

I hope you soar because I flew

Snoopy

They say all dogs go to heaven. Me, I think they bring heaven to us. Either way, Snoopy is leaving us behind, and we are shattered.

Snoopy has lived a few lives, city stray at the pound, a little house near the beach, apartments, a house with an electric dog fence, and finally, our forest-edge fenced-yard paradise for dogs. Through it all he’s been the Snoopervisor, the one looking after us, when he wasn’t busy eating furniture or finding the chocolate stash or loaf of bread someone thought they could leave on the counter for just a minute.

He was John’s when I met him, and I like to tell John that he’s the reason I went on that third date. I looked at him and knew that anyone who had a dog this magnificent had to be worth knowing. Thanks, Snoopy, you were right.

In the nine years that I’ve known him, Snoopy has put up with a lot, including Misha, the brindle maniac hound, who arrived in our lives as an 8-week old wild thing, turning everything upside-down. She pulled his shoulder out when we leashed them together, him 100lbs and her less than 10. Still, he stayed steady.

He put up with our foster puppies too, which can be utter madness, tiptoeing when he really had to go outside but didn’t want their attention. He put up with the kids, rolling on him, trying to pick him up, using him as a pillow whenever possible. And he put up with us, our moods, our ups and downs, our long walks and our hurried ones. And when he had enough of any of it, he would just “ROO” his mighty roo, and the room would be his, all traffic stopped. What a mighty Roo.

He’s been loved by so many people, and he’s made all our lives richer. There’s really no words for that, it just is.

So this is how I want to remember him. A solid 100lb soul with humor and personality to spare. A protector who kept us safe, and always made sure we all knew when someone had the audacity to walk their dog past our house. A heavy chin on your lap when you just really needed a heavy chin on your lap. A music lover who never missed a good jam session. A dog so magnificent that I not only wanted that next date, but to join his family. And oh, I’m so glad I did. I’m so grateful for all the time we’ve had. Fourteen years is a long life for a big dog, but it doesn’t seem even close to long enough.

We love you Noopy. Run free wherever good dogs run, no pain, no age, just slobber and handfuls of salmon and chocolate cake. We will always be yours, and always grateful to know you.



Snoopy left us at noon today – Friday 5/26/17, peacefully, in our home, thanks to Lap of Love (https://www.lapoflove.com/). After not eating for days, he managed some McDonalds burger and a touch of chocolate this morning. He was ready. <3

Pieces

The prompt this week was pieces, or peace.


Potluck

 

Smiling,

we serve

our hearts

in pieces,

potluck style,

tasty dishes

for life’s buffet.

 

supernova

 

if it’s true,

that thing about

cracks being how

the light gets in,

well then I’m

a supernova

man, I’m bright

from all that light

I let in when

I broke

 

Soon

 

Soon we’ll be done

you and I and the rest,

resolved at last, long last

to ash on the tongues

of creatures with less

at stake, less to prove

but more sense and senses,

and the rivers and the trees

won’t notice that we’ve gone

because they have always

danced heedlessly along

and they’ll twirl and leap

magnificently still

around the fish and the foxes

that we finally left in peace.

 

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